Breaking through

Many attempts were made to write this post and all given up because they were becoming too unwieldy to write.I am still holding on to the hope that the regular readers ( if there are any left by now) have not given up on me.It has been a tumultuous first year at B-school,mostly down than up and I have come to loath as well as love MDI in equal measure.It continues to amaze as well as frustrate me at the same time.I have come to discover a lot many things about myself which has been quite an unsettling experience to say the least.

The only significant takeaway is some clarity when it comes to career direction.I have decided after much wrestling with various options and arrangements that writing will be a significant of the future me.I am willing to give it the energy and time it demands.The form,content and methodology will come later but I finally decided that it was about time that I narrowed my options in order to give some much wanted direction to my life.I have been inspired by the following ( celebrated) interview of Faulkner ( pictured above) in The Paris Review:

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned economic freedom. Does the writer need it?

FAULKNER

No. The writer doesn't need economic freedom. All he needs is a pencil and some paper. I've never known anything good in writing to come from having accepted any free gift of money. The good writer never applies to a foundation. He's too busy writing something. If he isn't first rate he fools himself by saying he hasn't got time or economic freedom. Good art can come out of thieves, bootleggers, or horse swipes. People really are afraid to find out just how much hardship and poverty they can stand. They are afraid to find out how tough they are. Nothing can destroy the good writer. The only thing that can alter the good writer is death. Good ones don't have time to bother with success or getting rich.

INTERVIEWER

Can working for the movies hurt your own writing?

FAULKNER

Nothing can injure a man's writing if he's a first-rate writer. If a man is not a first-rate writer, there's not anything can help it much. The problem does not apply if he is not first rate because he has already sold his soul for a swimming pool.

INTERVIEWER

Some people say they can't understand your writing, even after they read it two or three times. What approach would you suggest for them?

FAULKNER

Read it four times.

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned experience, observation, and imagination as being important for the writer. Would you include inspiration?

FAULKNER

I don't know anything about inspiration because I don't know what inspiration is—I've heard about it, but I never saw it.

INTERVIEWER

As a writer you are said to be obsessed with violence.

FAULKNER

That's like saying the carpenter is obsessed with his hammer. Violence is simply one of the carpenter's tools. The writer can no more build with one tool than the carpenter can.

NTERVIEWER

What were the kinds of work you were doing to earn that “little money now and then”?

FAULKNER

Whatever came up. I could do a little of almost anything—run boats, paint houses, fly airplanes. I never needed much money because living was cheap in New Orleans then, and all I wanted was a place to sleep, a little food, tobacco, and whiskey. There were many things I could do for two or three days and earn enough money to live on for the rest of the month. By temperament I'm a vagabond and a tramp. I don't want money badly enough to work for it. In my opinion it's a shame that there is so much work in the world. One of the saddest things is that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours—all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.

More on this later.

PS: A personal favourite when it comes to lifting one out of a sombre mood,the Paris Review interviews is all that one needs to 're-ignite the literary fire'.The interviews become available for browsing once a certain period of time has elapsed since the publication of that particular issue.The Franzen interview can be found here

The buzz of the cabinet AC,clickety-clack of muffled keys invigorating tired muscles at the end of the wire,the metallic flickering of a thousand tubelights giving you solace, some even winking.The soft almost soothing droning over late- night, long-distance, inter-cultural conference calls from across the aisle.The clipety-clop of a high heel walking down the hallway. A car backing up, breaking the silence which descends like a fog , evoking some long lost shard of memory glistening in remembrance.Far away sounds of traffic.A sudden gust of wind and the slight rattling of window panes in their grooves.The sudden groan of a chair being relieved of it's burden for the day.
The urgent,almost angry gurgling of the entrails-It is time to go.

Managed to vote for the first time this time around .I cast my vote in Jamshedpur for the constituency of the same name.It was your typical Jam morning with mercury in the forties but I was excited nevertheless having spent days trawling election websites and watching countless debates on Television.What I particularly like are statistics and the numbers in the exit polls.One thing about statistics such as the number of Lok Sabha constituencies per state is that it makes you starkly aware of the population distribution across states.Do you know that if UP was a country of it's own,it would be the sixth most populous nation on the planet?UP elects 80 MPs to the Lok Sabha.But this is along expected lines.But which is the state with the next biggest contingent of MP's?It is Maharashtra with 48 MPs and then next in line is AP and WB with 42 seats apiece.The polling booth was DBMS school and when we arrived there were very few people with 'stalls' of political parties set up outside to help people find their identification numbers in the copy of the electoral roll.We found our names but there were no photographs against them.We walked into the polling station and there were two classrooms earmarked for voting.Each had a security guard standing outside but the whole set up was anything but intimidating.When my chance came,one officer checked my Electoral ID card and before I could step into the Booth another officer inked my finger but surprisingly no part of the ink touched my nail.I walked into the booth and took a minute to gaze at the EVM and all the candidates and their symbols and then pressed the button against my chosen candidate.There was a loud beep registering my vote and I was done.It was all over in practically ten seconds because the officer was coaxing me to vacate the booth quickly.It was my mom's turn after this and she took some time to put on her glasses,look at the list and then press the button,she did not take more than fifteen seconds but the officer was already mumbling about people taking time which infuriated mom and she turned around and gave him a piece of her mind.

It was as good a voting experience as it gets,quite often people have to wait for long hours sometimes in adverse weather conditions but there is one thing I would like to point out for people who are confused about the procedure of procuring voter's ID card and getting their names on the electoral roll.There is no clear link between getting a voter's ID card and getting your name on the roll.The voter's ID card is to be seen as an Address proof.The reason it is usually insisted upon is because most rural and poor voters have nothing else which can act as a proof of residence.But us Urban voters have a plethora of cads such as driving license,Passport,Ration card or PAN card.The more important thing is to get your name on the electoral roll and technically it is possible for you to vote in more than one constituency if you have names on more than one electoral roll (you can furnish your Election ID card in one and your other card in the other constituency)

PS:This was in draft mode for a long time.

I was going through my drafts and I found this Tag.I am just incredibly busy these days and so have been unable to post.Went home for a couple of weeks mid-April, bought a new phone(A N73-I am in love again....ah the seductive joys of seamless wireless file sharing! I love Bluetooth(Yes it is a big deal if you consider the fact that my last phone would switch off every time I pressed '9' on it ) , voted for the first time(this would go into another post),managed to finish One hundred years of solitude,The Black Book(which was on the list since last July!) and The Reluctant Fundamentalist(really not up to the hype-a big letdown)Also was gifted the Entire Sandman series on my birthday! :D(I know you guys are sick already with all the gloating but seriously...do you know anyone as lucky ?).This tag is kinda sappy and I still can't remember where I flicked it from but here goes:

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your first thought be?->Screw Everyone!I hate this world.Then probably go and listen to some Nirvana.

2. If you can have a dream coming true, what would it be?->Spending all my life reading in a room full of books.
3. What is the one thing most hated by you?->The current misuse of the world 'culture' to depict seemingly legal activities in a bad light .E.g. 'Pub Culture','Eating-out Culture' etc.This is being done quite frequently and I am sick of it.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?-> invest some and spend some to buy a house for myself. will stop working and tour the world.Perhaps start my own firm if I am not too bored.

5. Will you fall in love with your best friend?->I don't think so.It is too complicated and is not fun.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?->loving someone because in this you can improvise.You just have to accept what you get when you are being loved by someone but loving someone can be done in unique and myriad ways.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?->I don't have to.I am already in love.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?->think of someone else.simple.lot of fishes in the sea :D

9. If you like to act with someone, who will it be? Your gf/bf or an actress/actor?-> No one.I would perhaps like to watch Jack Nicholson or Leanardo di Caprio when they shoot for scenes.

10. What takes you down the fastest?-> I don't know what this means but what totally demoralizes me is disinterest esp in people you care, for you.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?-> probably a lot more fitter and slimmer and surer of what I want to do.

12. What’s your fear?->The only fear I have is of not being able to live upto my own ideals.

13. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?-> Like I said,I don't even remember where I got this from.

14. Would you rather be single and rich, or married but poor?->married but poor.I think poverty is a lesser curse when compared to loneliness.

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?-> look at my cell phone to see how late it is.

16. Would you give all in a relationship?->I would certainly want to give as much I can but not give up on things which I think makes me what I am.

17. If you fall in love with two people simultaneously, who would you pick?->The one who loves me back more?

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?-> No.I hope I won't get into such nasty situations.

19. If you get to go back in time and fall in love all over again , would it still be with the same person?->Yes.I am not allowed to say anything else. :D

20. What will you do about climate crisis?-> try hybrid cars and solar heating and lighting systems.probably convince people to become vegetarians.

25 random things you did not know about me:The facebook tag

I was tagged on Facebook by The Diva.

1. I am an early riser.I am happiest if I can be up at 5 before sun rise which doesn't happen too often these days.
2. I can't understand the whole fuss about "How I met your mother' and don't find it particularly funny.However I am a big fan of Seinfeld and Will&Grace.
3. I've never read any Shakespeare (if you discount A mid summer night's dream in Sandman)
4. I love eating a variety of fruits except Watermelon.That's because when I was a kid I ate a whole watermelon and promptly puked my guts out.My favourite fruit is Orange.
5. My favourite characters in books are angst-y troubled people like Raskolnikov,Ameena Sinai,Gregor Sampsa,Rorschach (can't think any more right now :-) )
6. I am a big sucker for museums.I try to check out at least one museum in every city that I visit time permitting.Paris was a very difficult city in this regard.
7. When I was a kid,one of my favourite pastimes was to pore over Atlases.I can still recall a frightfully big number of countries and capitals.At the risk of sounding bombastic,I might just beat you in a geography quiz unless you happen to be a Geography major :-)
8. Just to clear the air on the confusion created by my various testimonials on Orkut-I support Chelsea very casually.I started supporting The Blues when Crespo used to play for them.Actually I am big Argentina fan so back then,among the major English clubs,it was only Chelsea which had an Argentinian player.Now,it is quite different so you might just catch me celebrating a Tevez or a Messi score for ManU or Barca even against Chelsea. :-)
9. I prefer Nokia phones(other than for obvious reasons) because they let me drop them from crazy heights.Once back from Goa,I was able to extract a fistful of sand (and I am not fibbing) from my Nokia phone after I disassembled it :-) They are magnificently sturdy.
   
10. I am an optimist by nature.
11. I am a tea drinker.I was once a coffee drinker and would plead with mom to put some drops of decocotion in my milk when I was a kid.When I was a little older,I even tried milky coffee with my Chocos.But now, I prefer the unhurried mellowness of tea.
12. At precisely this point I was interrupted in office by my manager looking over my shoulder into my screen.Somehow whenever he strolls by he always catches me at some random work unrelated website.This has led him to believe I am an Anarchist and a Satan worshiper.
13. I am somehow the attractor and retainer of bad genes in my family.The tendency to put on weight and the tendency to lose hair from my father's side.Being hard of hearing at an early age from my mother's side* and random facial injuries-the work of my sis(Its not a genetic thing but I had to mention this :-D )
14. I think all tongue twisters are just too lame when compared to the baap of all tongue twisters( courtesy Vineet Jain)-"Upper Roller Lower Roller"-try it and I shall treat anyone who can do this continuously five times without faltering
15. I prefer Facebook over Orkut
16. I think Obama rocks.The man justifies the hype.I especially like the way he is trying to address the Iran issue.He exemplifies the fact that most great leaders are also great men of words and rhetoric.
    
17. I agree with those people who say that 300 the movie was overtly sexist and contrary to expectation,this is what I found out about the Spartans
18. I find it amusing that Frieda Pinto is suddenly the talk of the town and that people are suddenly going gaga over Slumdog's soundtrack when it is most easily Rehman's worst composition.Just gets to show that the world knows zilch about India.
    
19. I prefer Beer,Whiskey the way it is supposed to be had and Scotch.I think Guiness is undrinkable.Not also too big a fan of Fosters.I once tried to convince a friend that VAT 69 is actually a government-made Whiskey and is a brand to promote V.A.T. I don't remember much before or after that.
20. I would like to have a house with wooden floors.Concrete just doesnt feel right under your feet.
21. I can eat Pasta anytime of the day.I prefer Penne,Macaroni,Fusili in that order and don't like Spaghetti or Lasagna
22. Indian states that I have not been to-Himachal Pradesh,the whole of North East,Andman and Lakshadweep,Punjab,Haryana.
23. I am once a skeptic then a firm believer and now I would call myself agnostic
24. I turned 24 this 24th of March
25. ending with a Jim Morrison quote-"I believe in a long, prolonged, derangement of the senses in order to obtain the unknown."

*though my mom still retains her hearing and my dad is not overweight I am referring to thier respective sides of the family

PS:Happy Ugadi to all!

RAGA:mixed up and indistiguishable

feeling sleepy and nursing bruises and feeling exhausted after the ordeal.Lilith has generally been very aggressive leaving me copies of extremely suggestive books which include Paradise Lost.old moulds crumble leaving behind more sinisterly seductive sensations. :-)

What do you do when you are on the edge?When the world seems too cruel and unfair and exasperating?I write-whether it be this blog or my journal or office memos .I write and listen to the 9th and hope that the mad feeling passes.People say writing tinged with extreme feeling is never good but you write when you have to write and then it is just a flurry of words.I can't do calm,composed writing.I wish I could write like Falstaff churning out post after post of such intensity which leaves you spellbound. I would rather be insanely passionate than coolly efficient.I'd rather be Cobain than Chris Martin.I'd rather be Maverick than Iceman.

There is something surreal about War Pigs .The wail of the sirens at the start and the totally stripped down sound with only the faint drumming when Ozzy sings those immortal lines and the guitar lick at the end of each line.The bass being totally not subdued.There is a certain Naiveté to the lyrics even though its an anti-war song.Its got a definite sadness and a finality to it but yet in an eerie way its an all is not lost song.Its got an ambiguity which I can't describe. Bill Ward's drumming is excellent.It's a song that gives me hope.always.It is a song which restores sanity and alleviates pain.

Faith in humanity has gone down a few notches and don't know when I will get it back again.I am tired of playing games all the time.I have a sudden craving for simplistic quick solutions.

Will be back.....

Taking a small break from this blog to pay attention to more pressing issues( not that anybody would've noticed).I am tired of doing infrequent small posts which absolutely suck content wise and is usually a personal rant.When I started out ,this was not supposed to be a personal sort of blog but here I am.As blogging is difficult from office, I shall post when I have a net connection at home.I can't really say when I will be back but it won't be long.So long everyone.Be good when I am away :-) and keep those blues away.

The ear yend post

Things have been so chaotic and crazy and I have been so insanely busy that I feel like screaming(almost)..Lots of things to do and err....forms to fill.Last( Xmas) weekend went river rafting/trekking in Dandeli.River rafting is certainly something that even the most faint-hearted should try out as it is unbelievable fun.Also a lot of friends are leaving Bangalore and going elsewhere. A left for Delhi,Mazum is going to the States and my college roommate would be going to Chennai.So ended up running all over the place trying to synchronize farewell schedules. It is kinda sad that people whom you know so well and whom you always assumed would be a part of your life are suddenly moving away - doing their own thing and all that would be left would be random impersonal scraps on Orkut. Anyway so this time I decided to do an year end post.Blogging wise this was a better year with more posts than last year and few more people in the comments section (A grand total of 6 people -yay!) but as compared to other bloggers I have too few posts.Its not the lack of ideas but sloth which is to blame.Also add to this spending 8 hours a day in front of the computer and you have the perfect excuse to avoid blogging. Anyway 2007 was an eventful year and lots of things happened.

had a crummy internship-a heartbreak- went on an amazing trip to Goa-two trips to Jam- had a great B.E project experience-read quite a lot-left college-started work-moved into a new house-went on some more trips-fell sick repeatedly-realized quite a few things about myself.It was an amazing year in short and though not always pleasant it was a kind of year I would want to live again.It was pretty roller-coasterish.and yeah some resolutions for 2008:

1. Blog more often
2. Lose weight
3.Learn French & Tamil (don't ask!)
4.Start playing tennis
5.Learn cooking
6.Be 'kind' to people
7.Read more
8.Stick to your beliefs and have 'simple' goals in life.*

The Jains have a very interesting festival of forgiveness called Paryushana in which people ask forgiveness for their misdeeds of the past year.I think its a great concept.So in the same vein- Micchami Dukkadam to all of you readers of the blog. May you have a fun filled 2008! here's wishing all of you a very Happy New Year!!


*sounds very BT-ish I know :-)

Yeah, back at the roadhouse they got some bungalows

"All right,all right,all right.Hey listen ,listen,listen man.I don't know how many you people believe in astrology.(to a woman in the crowd)Yeah that's right baby.I am a Sagittarius.The most philosophical of all the signs......But anyway I don't believe in it.I think it's a bunch of bullshit ma self. But I tell you this man.I tell you this-I don't know whats gonna happen man but I am gonna have my kicks before the whole shit-house goes up in flames!!"

--live in Boston '70

A life of unrestrained hedonism.The dream that was always there and now will see fruition.

When I woke up this morning, I got myself a beer
Well, I woke up this morning, and I got myself a beer
The future's uncertain, and the end is always near

Let it roll, baby, roll
Let it roll, baby, roll
Let it roll, baby, roll
Let it roll, all night long

Yeah, I am gonna have my kicks before the whole shit-house goes up in flames.

Happy birthday to the Dutta twins(1st and 3rd from right).Even after so many years,I still cannot let go off the excitement that is your company.Right from the tennis matches to your music system, the double ride on your cycles to the insane laughing bouts.The Vietnamese hat in your living room to the frenzied accounts of your various escapades in school.The cynicism and the constant chatter about Cobain and Axl to the rides towards HEC.From talk about Noir films to Marijuana to the pandal hopping - I know it is not coming out well and I don't know how to put it but all I want to say is that you(including the Black field gang) are the only people around whom I am completely uninhibitedly at home.You are the very few people who have seen the real me.I don't say this often enough but I am grateful that I met you guys and even when I grow old and weak in the bones I will still cherish the memory of the time spent.Thanks for everything(and for a change I really mean it) and stay the same.peace.

Feeling fidgety.revolted with myself.lost.lonely.bored.fatigued.nerves on edge.blue-black vs turquoise blue,in an eternal dance of wits.

Actually speaking I am much more freer now....the conscience is liberated and I can be as aloof/critical/sarcastic as I want to be.Happy Birthday sis!.....a nice return gift of a day I received

Somebody give me a shovel...I have got memories to bury......