Breaking through

Many attempts were made to write this post and all given up because they were becoming too unwieldy to write.I am still holding on to the hope that the regular readers ( if there are any left by now) have not given up on me.It has been a tumultuous first year at B-school,mostly down than up and I have come to loath as well as love MDI in equal measure.It continues to amaze as well as frustrate me at the same time.I have come to discover a lot many things about myself which has been quite an unsettling experience to say the least.

The only significant takeaway is some clarity when it comes to career direction.I have decided after much wrestling with various options and arrangements that writing will be a significant of the future me.I am willing to give it the energy and time it demands.The form,content and methodology will come later but I finally decided that it was about time that I narrowed my options in order to give some much wanted direction to my life.I have been inspired by the following ( celebrated) interview of Faulkner ( pictured above) in The Paris Review:

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned economic freedom. Does the writer need it?

FAULKNER

No. The writer doesn't need economic freedom. All he needs is a pencil and some paper. I've never known anything good in writing to come from having accepted any free gift of money. The good writer never applies to a foundation. He's too busy writing something. If he isn't first rate he fools himself by saying he hasn't got time or economic freedom. Good art can come out of thieves, bootleggers, or horse swipes. People really are afraid to find out just how much hardship and poverty they can stand. They are afraid to find out how tough they are. Nothing can destroy the good writer. The only thing that can alter the good writer is death. Good ones don't have time to bother with success or getting rich.

INTERVIEWER

Can working for the movies hurt your own writing?

FAULKNER

Nothing can injure a man's writing if he's a first-rate writer. If a man is not a first-rate writer, there's not anything can help it much. The problem does not apply if he is not first rate because he has already sold his soul for a swimming pool.

INTERVIEWER

Some people say they can't understand your writing, even after they read it two or three times. What approach would you suggest for them?

FAULKNER

Read it four times.

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned experience, observation, and imagination as being important for the writer. Would you include inspiration?

FAULKNER

I don't know anything about inspiration because I don't know what inspiration is—I've heard about it, but I never saw it.

INTERVIEWER

As a writer you are said to be obsessed with violence.

FAULKNER

That's like saying the carpenter is obsessed with his hammer. Violence is simply one of the carpenter's tools. The writer can no more build with one tool than the carpenter can.

NTERVIEWER

What were the kinds of work you were doing to earn that “little money now and then”?

FAULKNER

Whatever came up. I could do a little of almost anything—run boats, paint houses, fly airplanes. I never needed much money because living was cheap in New Orleans then, and all I wanted was a place to sleep, a little food, tobacco, and whiskey. There were many things I could do for two or three days and earn enough money to live on for the rest of the month. By temperament I'm a vagabond and a tramp. I don't want money badly enough to work for it. In my opinion it's a shame that there is so much work in the world. One of the saddest things is that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours—all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.

More on this later.

PS: A personal favourite when it comes to lifting one out of a sombre mood,the Paris Review interviews is all that one needs to 're-ignite the literary fire'.The interviews become available for browsing once a certain period of time has elapsed since the publication of that particular issue.The Franzen interview can be found here

I am relieved to be back here.It has been a long B-school schedule induced hiatus and the experience so far has been quite different than what I'd expected it to be.I cannot but feel a strange ambivalence about my stay here.Perhaps I am still settling in,even after five months;perhaps I don't belong here.Anyway, I shall first list certain terms from the lingo that is unique to MDI so as to avoid repeating myself later.

Hostels

1. CM-Change Masters-A corny name for the main hostel,this is the center of all activity for all PG students.It houses our mess and pigeon boxes
2. Takshashila(pic above)-this is where I live-the rooms are much better furnished and have the (seemingly) unbeatable luxury of an attached bathroom in each room.This was originally meant for executive students ( people in other courses like the National Management Programme (NMP) or the school of Public Policy& governance) and also comes equipped with a much fancier kitchen and dining room which,sadly, is off limits to us
3. Kshitij-Another hostel which is a little secluded and populated with seniors and exchange students from foreign universities

Other places and lingo

1. Gurukul-The place where the classes for PGPM are held and which also houses the 'Placecom'
2. Arcus-The main night hangout inside campus which is right by the parking lot.Arcus is witness to everything that goes on-the fights, the politics, the pranksSharmaji-A day canteen adjacent to the Acad block-most frequented by profs and people in search of that elusive dish from back home
3. Mandev-ian-A convoluted acronym for Management Development Institute.The students of MDI are known as Mandevians.Mandevian mail is our official email client
4. GP group-Like most B-schools,we have a concept of group work wherein a random pre-decided group of six students are clubbed into what is called a GP group (Graduate programs).You do all assignments and projects with your GP group and your GP group can either make or mar your CG.
5. CG-shortened form of CGPA-relative grading needs no introduction.CG is what makes life hell here
6. Ghissu-our term for the in-house padhaku.Since we can't really have nerd or dork,ghissu has to do for now.
7. Faff-This is the four letter word on campus.Every self-respecting B-school has a term for this.Used as a verb (Faffing) or as a noun (Faffer) denoting excessive verbiage of the B-school type.A way of answering questions without actually saying something. Sentences like 'leveraging my synergies to better align myself with organizational strategy'.But this has been twisted way beyond what it actually means to include anything and everything which can be considered an alternative viewpoint.For e.g

• Faff subjects-any subject which is not quantitatively driven like Marketing,HR,Organizational Behavior-anything which most right brain numb engineers (who make up about 90% of the batch) cannot fathom easily or appreciate
• Faff paper-An exam paper which makes the 'grave folly' of asking your opinion on an issue which doesn't have any numbers involved
• Faffer-The laziest stereotype for a person who is not interested in number crunching of the Finance type.For someone who professes a love for Marketing.The implicit assumption being that to be good at marketing one just needs to speak well aka faff
  

I guess one of the few things that I would remember the most about these months is the sleep deprivation.I have never experienced levels of sleep deprivation that I have encountered here.Three hours is considered normal whereas four is considered a blessing.This is definitely not normal if you do it three to four months on a trot.But contrary to popular belief the remaining twenty one hours are not being spent doing entirely productive things.The morning person in yours truly has been replaced by an irritable,groggy and always hungry twenty five year old. No time is downtime with preparation for presentations,quizzes,work on assignments happening almost simultaneously.Some people are of the opinion that this is a kind of a boast about the super-humanness of MBAs.Maybe some B-schoolers would like to think of themselves this way.But the point is,every grad student worth his salt would have dealt with sleep deprivation, it's just that this is hard to do after working for about three years and enjoying the freedom which comes from being financially independent and being in control of your leisure time.So much for 'sabbatical from work' or 'last chance to broaden your mind'.The only sabbatical I am taking is from the last-Friday-of-the-month-'your salary has been credited'-SMS.Shall be back with more later.

B-school limbo

No, this blog is not dead and will come out of coma soon.