I am Jack's indecisiveness wrapped in a sheath of fatalistic tendencies

What is Yoga?

"Yoga means knowing and experiencing everything as a part of  yourself.Modern science has proved beyond a doubt that everything is one energy.Religions are screaming that god is everywhere.Whether you say god is everywhere or  everything is one energy, you are saying the same thing from two different contexts.A scientist has mathematically deduced this reality.He has not experienced it.His realization is intellectual and it does not transform his life.A religious person just believes it.A yogi is one who is unwilling to settle for deductions or belief systems.He wants to experience and know it.In that sense,yoga is a technology of taking a person from his individuality to universality, to knowing and experiencing existence as himself."


"Patanjali, who is considered to be the father or assimilator of yoga,said this very beautifully.When he began the Yoga Sutras,he said,And now,yoga.What he meant was that now you have tried everything-tasted money,power,wealth,love,pleasure and you even did the drugs," "and nothing really worked.It was all fine,but it did not bring you any great sense of fulfillment.When you know this,you are ready for yoga."

---Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev ( excerpt taken from the book 'Midnights with the mystic' by Cheryl Simone)

“Who could be so lucky? Who comes to a lake for water and sees the reflection of moon.”

― Rumi




“Spring comes, and the grass grows by itself.”

― Lao Tzu




“And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?”

― Rumi

Breaking through

Many attempts were made to write this post and all given up because they were becoming too unwieldy to write.I am still holding on to the hope that the regular readers ( if there are any left by now) have not given up on me.It has been a tumultuous first year at B-school,mostly down than up and I have come to loath as well as love MDI in equal measure.It continues to amaze as well as frustrate me at the same time.I have come to discover a lot many things about myself which has been quite an unsettling experience to say the least.

The only significant takeaway is some clarity when it comes to career direction.I have decided after much wrestling with various options and arrangements that writing will be a significant of the future me.I am willing to give it the energy and time it demands.The form,content and methodology will come later but I finally decided that it was about time that I narrowed my options in order to give some much wanted direction to my life.I have been inspired by the following ( celebrated) interview of Faulkner ( pictured above) in The Paris Review:

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned economic freedom. Does the writer need it?

FAULKNER

No. The writer doesn't need economic freedom. All he needs is a pencil and some paper. I've never known anything good in writing to come from having accepted any free gift of money. The good writer never applies to a foundation. He's too busy writing something. If he isn't first rate he fools himself by saying he hasn't got time or economic freedom. Good art can come out of thieves, bootleggers, or horse swipes. People really are afraid to find out just how much hardship and poverty they can stand. They are afraid to find out how tough they are. Nothing can destroy the good writer. The only thing that can alter the good writer is death. Good ones don't have time to bother with success or getting rich.

INTERVIEWER

Can working for the movies hurt your own writing?

FAULKNER

Nothing can injure a man's writing if he's a first-rate writer. If a man is not a first-rate writer, there's not anything can help it much. The problem does not apply if he is not first rate because he has already sold his soul for a swimming pool.

INTERVIEWER

Some people say they can't understand your writing, even after they read it two or three times. What approach would you suggest for them?

FAULKNER

Read it four times.

INTERVIEWER

You mentioned experience, observation, and imagination as being important for the writer. Would you include inspiration?

FAULKNER

I don't know anything about inspiration because I don't know what inspiration is—I've heard about it, but I never saw it.

INTERVIEWER

As a writer you are said to be obsessed with violence.

FAULKNER

That's like saying the carpenter is obsessed with his hammer. Violence is simply one of the carpenter's tools. The writer can no more build with one tool than the carpenter can.

NTERVIEWER

What were the kinds of work you were doing to earn that “little money now and then”?

FAULKNER

Whatever came up. I could do a little of almost anything—run boats, paint houses, fly airplanes. I never needed much money because living was cheap in New Orleans then, and all I wanted was a place to sleep, a little food, tobacco, and whiskey. There were many things I could do for two or three days and earn enough money to live on for the rest of the month. By temperament I'm a vagabond and a tramp. I don't want money badly enough to work for it. In my opinion it's a shame that there is so much work in the world. One of the saddest things is that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day, day after day, is work. You can't eat eight hours a day nor drink for eight hours a day nor make love for eight hours—all you can do for eight hours is work. Which is the reason why man makes himself and everybody else so miserable and unhappy.

More on this later.

PS: A personal favourite when it comes to lifting one out of a sombre mood,the Paris Review interviews is all that one needs to 're-ignite the literary fire'.The interviews become available for browsing once a certain period of time has elapsed since the publication of that particular issue.The Franzen interview can be found here

I am relieved to be back here.It has been a long B-school schedule induced hiatus and the experience so far has been quite different than what I'd expected it to be.I cannot but feel a strange ambivalence about my stay here.Perhaps I am still settling in,even after five months;perhaps I don't belong here.Anyway, I shall first list certain terms from the lingo that is unique to MDI so as to avoid repeating myself later.

Hostels

1. CM-Change Masters-A corny name for the main hostel,this is the center of all activity for all PG students.It houses our mess and pigeon boxes
2. Takshashila(pic above)-this is where I live-the rooms are much better furnished and have the (seemingly) unbeatable luxury of an attached bathroom in each room.This was originally meant for executive students ( people in other courses like the National Management Programme (NMP) or the school of Public Policy& governance) and also comes equipped with a much fancier kitchen and dining room which,sadly, is off limits to us
3. Kshitij-Another hostel which is a little secluded and populated with seniors and exchange students from foreign universities

Other places and lingo

1. Gurukul-The place where the classes for PGPM are held and which also houses the 'Placecom'
2. Arcus-The main night hangout inside campus which is right by the parking lot.Arcus is witness to everything that goes on-the fights, the politics, the pranksSharmaji-A day canteen adjacent to the Acad block-most frequented by profs and people in search of that elusive dish from back home
3. Mandev-ian-A convoluted acronym for Management Development Institute.The students of MDI are known as Mandevians.Mandevian mail is our official email client
4. GP group-Like most B-schools,we have a concept of group work wherein a random pre-decided group of six students are clubbed into what is called a GP group (Graduate programs).You do all assignments and projects with your GP group and your GP group can either make or mar your CG.
5. CG-shortened form of CGPA-relative grading needs no introduction.CG is what makes life hell here
6. Ghissu-our term for the in-house padhaku.Since we can't really have nerd or dork,ghissu has to do for now.
7. Faff-This is the four letter word on campus.Every self-respecting B-school has a term for this.Used as a verb (Faffing) or as a noun (Faffer) denoting excessive verbiage of the B-school type.A way of answering questions without actually saying something. Sentences like 'leveraging my synergies to better align myself with organizational strategy'.But this has been twisted way beyond what it actually means to include anything and everything which can be considered an alternative viewpoint.For e.g

• Faff subjects-any subject which is not quantitatively driven like Marketing,HR,Organizational Behavior-anything which most right brain numb engineers (who make up about 90% of the batch) cannot fathom easily or appreciate
• Faff paper-An exam paper which makes the 'grave folly' of asking your opinion on an issue which doesn't have any numbers involved
• Faffer-The laziest stereotype for a person who is not interested in number crunching of the Finance type.For someone who professes a love for Marketing.The implicit assumption being that to be good at marketing one just needs to speak well aka faff
  

I guess one of the few things that I would remember the most about these months is the sleep deprivation.I have never experienced levels of sleep deprivation that I have encountered here.Three hours is considered normal whereas four is considered a blessing.This is definitely not normal if you do it three to four months on a trot.But contrary to popular belief the remaining twenty one hours are not being spent doing entirely productive things.The morning person in yours truly has been replaced by an irritable,groggy and always hungry twenty five year old. No time is downtime with preparation for presentations,quizzes,work on assignments happening almost simultaneously.Some people are of the opinion that this is a kind of a boast about the super-humanness of MBAs.Maybe some B-schoolers would like to think of themselves this way.But the point is,every grad student worth his salt would have dealt with sleep deprivation, it's just that this is hard to do after working for about three years and enjoying the freedom which comes from being financially independent and being in control of your leisure time.So much for 'sabbatical from work' or 'last chance to broaden your mind'.The only sabbatical I am taking is from the last-Friday-of-the-month-'your salary has been credited'-SMS.Shall be back with more later.

B-school limbo

No, this blog is not dead and will come out of coma soon.

Books that I've been reading and other news

1.My Name is Red-unputdownable would be an understatement-We Indians would perhaps like to think that we know all of Islamic* folklore that there is to know like Leyla & Majnun,Alif Laila etc but these are just the tip of the iceberg.This book makes one realize that there are so many other beautiful tales from the Islamic world which we know nothing about, for me it is almost like the discovery of a rich new lode of stories to dive into.Ever heard of Husrev & Shirin ?
2.Where wisdom shall be found-Harold Bloom-discusses the Greeks-Plato,Homer,Socrates then goes on to compare Shakespeare & Cervantes then Montaigne & Bacon in the next chapter(Subsequent chapters deal with Emerson& Nietzsche and finally Freud and Proust)-I have not read any of these writers and will abandon it shortly.
3.The Buddha series-Osuma Tezuka-again rediscovering the Buddhist folk tradition or the Jataka tales-I still need to get used to the sparse black & white style of Tezuka and the in-jokes (Siddhartha the young prince is bored after a day spent watching fire eaters and dancers.So he requests for-"two bulls,a long hemp rope and a barrel of ink" and in the frame in which this happens, a retainer is shown saying-is he going to draw manga?)

Books lined up-Ramesh Menon's Mahabharata-A modern rendering and Roberto Bolano's 2666

PS-I'd be heading over to MDI,Gurgaon for the next two years for my MBA.It was a better end to an MBA season where I plummeted lower and lower as it progressed.The excitement is waning after the initial euphoria but the good part is that I still have another month to go before session starts.Gurgaon looks massive and quite far from Delhi when seen from Google Earth.I've been warned against it's food,air,water,malls,Jats and expats.Lets see what it has in store for me.

*for want of a better word for kingdoms ruled by Islamic monarchs from Asia minor to India in the medieval times

Into a limbo large and broad, since called The Paradise of Fools, to few unknown.
John Milton,
Paradise Lost
I was writing a post about leaving Bangalore,which got delayed and I had to abandon it.In Jampot now,and it's still not clear which B-school I'll be joining.It has been a week of indecision and inactivity and heat and sudden rains.It is a little weird to realize that office will keep going on as usual and somebody might already have taken up my desk.Have been reading Satanic Verses and Catch-22.There is nothing blasphemous about the controversial chapter concerning Prophet Mohammed in the book,I had assumed there would be some slight innuendo or some such derogatory reference but there is none or perhaps I have not encountered it yet.Catch-22 is a brilliant book with some very well thought out characters and some lines are way too beautiful to be ever forgotten-

"Do you know how long a year takes when it's going away?" Dunbar repeated to Clevinger. "This long." He snapped his fingers. "A second ago you were stepping into college with your lungs full of fresh air. Today you're an old man."

"Old?" asked Clevinger with surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Old."

"I'm not old."

"You're inches away from death every time you go on a mission. How much older can you be at your age? A half minute before that you were stepping into high school, and an unhooked brassiere was as close as you ever hoped to get to Paradise. Only a fifth of a second before that you were a small kid with a ten-week summer vacation that lasted a hundred thousand years and still ended too soon. Zip! They go rocketing by so fast. How the hell else are you ever going to slow down?" Dunbar was almost angry when he finished.

"Well, maybe it is true," Clevinger conceded unwillingly in a subdued tone. "Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?"

"I do," Dunbar told him.

"Why?" Clevinger asked.

"What else is there?"

PS-My garden is in bloom even in summer(Zinnia & Sun plant according to Mom),makes for great photographs-I can't have enough of photographing my garden from my room. and there is a Bulbul pair making a nest in my garden,photos will follow.

And reality is always without exception, more Bizarre than fiction.Years of double or triple guessing plot twists in books and movies cannot prepare you for the vagaries and the nauseous consolations of life.Destiny is the best bullshit filter out there.

Hiya folks!
Rambling here after a verrrry long time.Had been busy with B-school entrances and interviews etc(not over yet).Had been to Pune-Mumbai recently.I was visiting a friend in Bombay and I loved the city.The hills and the apartments everywhere (yes I was in Powai-Hirananadani),the cobbled stoned streets,the feeling when you come over from Pune of entering a vast megapolis and when compared to distances in Bangalore,Bombay seemed ten times bigger.Spent a night at the NITIE campus which is beautiful in itself.There is an air of freedom,of nonchalance in Bombay which I have not experienced in any other city.This might also be because of the voluminous reading that I've done about the city but in any case this was a much needed break after the long months of drudgery at work and otherwise.If anthropomorphous traits were to be attached to cities,I often wonder about how Indian cities would shape up.Would Delhi appear smug and competitive and belligerent?Would Bangalore appear laid back but stingy?Would Lucknow appear regal?


Also spent some time strolling along the Bandra Promenade and ogling at the high rises and the swanky houses of superstars and it was quite a surprise to sight Mangroves by the side of the promenade.All in all a great trip and the only disappointing thing was the train journey back.The Bombay-Bangalore route is very dull with vast expanses of sugarcane and cotton fields on both sides stretching out endlessly.Not helping was the fact that I was finding Kafka on the shore quite insipid.

hopefully this post brings me back to samanya prasarann on the blog with regular updates from now on.

The heightened sense of awareness might really just be your numb toe (at 15000 feet)

Back from a trip to Manali with the folks.They are right when they say that you need to be in the right mood to take a vacation and even though I tried switching off,it was not the most memorable of trips.Though really glad that there is one more state which goes off my list of 'not visited'.I now have 8 states( The Seven sisters and Madhya Pradesh) on my TODO plus throw in a few UTs (Andaman being a major one) :-)

Crossword was having a sale and there was an extra discount for StanChart Creditcard holders so couldn't resist (even though I prefer Landmark over its somewhat inadequate collection) and this:
was the end result of the major splurging which happened.The books are:
1.Pamuk's- Other Colours and Istanbul:memoirs of a city
2.Joseph O'Neill's- Netherland
3.The private Lives of the Mughals of India
4.The history of South India

Pamuk is fast rising up the ranks in the list of my favourite writers.Istanbul is definitely one of his finest works in my opinion. Reading books about cities gives me great pleasure even if it is only just a backdrop for the story ,Istanbul and The Black Book lionize the city to such an extent that now,I dream of walking the streets of that city some day,I dream of standing on The Galata Bridge and gazing at the Bosphorous ferries.
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After reading Cuckold,I have started liking the whole idea of the historical novel,very minimal effort is needed in holding up the plot as the reader is generally aware of the subject at hand, the writer is free to concentrate on certain specific characters and the general style of his writing,he generally doesn't need to bother himself too much with the authenticity of the setting as most of it is 'already out there'.

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It is really surprising but Delhi happens to be the only city where I see Hindi signs(which include traffic signs,building names,municipality signs etc) giving English signs some competition.(Somehow 'Bhoomigut Paarpath' for subway has got a nice ring to it )In Bangalore,the usual practice is to only have the English sign or the English Sign+the Kannada sign in a smaller font.The really frustrating thing is that the normal BMTC buses in Bangalore carry only Kannada signs indicating just the start point and the final destination.In Delhi,the stoppages along the route are mentioned on the sides of the buses which I think is a really prudent thing to do.In Jharkhand,you get to see very few bilingual signs and usually,the Hindi signs outnumber the English ones(though this is changing quite rapidly)

What have you been reading?